Beeps In The Mind

Celebrating a year of pescetarianism!I never thought of becoming a pescetarian, but it all happened without me getting a prior notice of that instinct. I was fond of chicken though I tried keeping away from the flesh of bigger animals (say beef and others). I remember me enjoying each bite of the chunk.  I don’t know how I could easily get detached from this favorite food item.  I feel better on this diet   and not even getting reminded that I was a carnivore once upon a time. I think I have completely forgotten the taste of those spicy dishes and so staying calm when those are in front of me with a “please eat me” attitude.  It’s some magic, I believe, some act of my inner voice.......I just obeyed it without a single doubt coz there is no point doubting that voice which won't express something that’s not right for me!

I like browsing through the news and other articles. There’s nothing special about it and is of course educative. But what if I am getting that temptation when I am very much busy with work! I can’t stop doing it and feel like making it part of my habit and practicing it every day for some specified time. But then, the very next day I find it needless to browse in the middle of my work since it deviates me.  Browsing and researching are innate in my work. So it happens sometimes to click some stories unintentionally, which make me sit and wonder about; yes, those special stories which is otherwise unknown to me. And these I would like to call the “golden clicks” sleeping somewhere in the emptiness and waking up some time between the unconscious flipping and hitting. I love these golden clicks and the stories within!  

I was born on a Friday in November. So Fridays have kind of special place in my mind. Then in school it was the happiest day as it being the last working day. And then in college it was a day of excitement; waiting for the last working day. Time just flew away and gone are the days which made me sit at home all days and do my stuff. Then was the work phase of life. I wanted everyday to be a Friday coz I was away from home and wanted that excitement and eagerness to make myself stay cheerful at my hostel. The companies I have been working for are based in the Middle East region and so I am hardly busy these days. Saturdays seem to be a special working day behind the scenes coz on Saturdays we sign out a few hours earlier and rush out. Then I travel back, ya, it's always a happy journey to discover me back in the world I own. That’s it, like the Jeevathma joining the Paramathma! Peace and Bliss! Like before, as a kid, even today I think like “Monday aavalle”.

Today we happened to see a dirty eve teaser! Ouch, seeing these kinds of fellow itself is a curse in disguise! He was all staring at us as if he had never seen a female ever in his life. But he couldn't stand staring along when we paused and devil stared at him.   Though we continued our work smoothly as always, my mind held on to that thought. How pathetic it is to live as a woman sometimes? She is haunted always! What’s the thing that God forgot to give us? We too need a weapon to destruct our enemies, which is so natural and inbuilt in us. A man who is anomalous in his thoughts will always be like that, change hardly comes into his being and same is the case of the coward society. They think it’s not their problem to deal with it. Women are not safe anywhere and the stories in the media nowadays are even scarier. If you have any issue at your work place you have the right to complain, but you can use your right only if the employer is capable of handling it in

I don’t remember how long I sat beside the sea looking into the infinity. An ocean, to chillax and adore. It’s kind of meditating, calm and refreshed.  Sometimes some questions arise from nowhere but answers to them also take form from vacuum. Speaking to myself and sometimes to the sea makes me feel great which throws out lots of confusion. Questions,answers; questions,answers, a wonderful conversation between me and the sea!  

It sounds so strange sometimes to know that I feel low without any big reason to quote. But all these won’t happen all of a sudden. It usually comes once a particular threshold is reached; things which make me feel low get queued up until that threshold point. Anything that comes over it will break that pile as if a pin is pricked on to an air tight balloon. And then I know it won’t stay in my control to hold that fluid of emotions coming down. I feel good when those tear drops are sent away and with them, the blues too.    Yeah, now I feel content! ;)

It has become so natural for me now to rise up early in the morning and then go for a ride. It's been a long time since I have seen the sun rise otherwise. I was all fully immersed in sleep those days at hostel with my friends and sometimes it seems to be a competition to sleep more. I like watching the sunset too especially, standing in front of our office building. As it’s built on a hill the view is so obvious and eye catching. And watching it, I don’t know from where I get those philosophies to mutter. I love sunrise more when compared to sunset. I enjoy each ray shooting up with gold. I don’t have any fancy for gold but gold seems priceless when watching the sunrise; with a million golden rays! Rising sun is hope, delight and blessing in its very form and morning sun inspires me as it is to any living being.

I met many people, many places; everything seems to be a written puzzle note directing me to something, may be to discover something. Everything and everyone had something to offer me and I had in exchange smiles and love for them. They taught me many things, showed live demo of many instances, inspired me, corrected me and polished me. And one day they bid farewell, relocated far away from me to take a path which is different from mine. It took some time for me to get acquainted with all people who became good acquaintances and friends. But sending them off to follow the path they own was always difficult for me.  I know those were inevitable! And the next note was ready for me somewhere, and my path was changing too though I was not realizing. Of course everything happens for a reason. But the very thought of how well things are planned for us makes me feel content. Is it like any program already written like if we do this, a condition satisfy and things like that? I

I don’t remember how long I carried that name in my mind. But I very much remember me uttering it many times without a conscious effort. And now when I am about to utter the same I am pulling back my tongue because it belongs to the past, a period which cannot be retrieved. Losing that name is not a big thing but losing the voice behind it, losing that love, is not an easy thing to go through. Well I am not speaking about a name but it’s a concept which I imagined and believed in. And it’s time now, it’s high time to erase the very concept and develop a new one.   

I very much wanted to write down my thoughts these days. But I couldn't since I failed to find a fresh paper there at my hostel room and then I thought about blogging....but ya....I felt a bit lazy that time. I always like to scribble about and someday...going through those and getting wondered like is it me who wrote all those and then making some editing here and there. The funniest thing is that nowadays I am getting that impulse to write down my thoughts when I am at office. I can't help it when I feel like emptying my thoughts!And as somewhere I have written down, " Come out my thoughts, come and reside here with words put on"...I am feeling light and relaxed now. This is the real magic of words. Words are always magical to me; creating magic in me and my life!!! I just love words which takes me to god and heaven, to sky and stars, to everything that I have seen and heard & to everything that is imagined.  

Image Source:Google Images I can’t carry this pain, Going mad sometimes, Going numb otherwise, Can’t even inhale or exhale. I can’t but give up!  Let this pain, that break into my mind Come out as a pearl, someday Well cleansed by my tears And well sanctified by my prayers.

Each time they come down, I think I am getting weaker My whole mind gets muddled up Leaving me shattered. But at the end of it all, when all those are shed, I know I am fine and stronger And so cunningly they act, Taking out all that is blocking my heart.

I taught myself to shed some thoughts, To put aside some worries, To throw apart some fears, And to glide myself, As light as a feather.